International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

View previous topic View next topic Go down

International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by I on Mon Apr 27, 2009 1:26 am

I am proud to announce the formation of a new Organisation Dedicated to meet all of your Psychic and Metaphysical Needs.

avatar
I


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by I on Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:06 am

I have been discussing this with several members here who are uniquely qualified to participate in this venture. After years of working voluntarily and watching others earn fortunes I have convinced them it is time to convert their skills to gold. We intend to live up to our slogan YOUR FORTUNE IN OUR HANDS and intend to help you as long as you have any of it left. Philanthropy is not part of this as we know that people value that which costs them the most and we will be giving very great value.

To ensure people truly understand the amazing powers which this group will command let me tell you that the Klemzig College of Parapsycology have, after stringent testing and without charge on this inaugral qualification, granted them all the title of Reverend and with a Doctorate to match. In addition the testing, utilising our unique array of spectographs, auraphones, Charkrometers and vibration meters show they are exhalted beings and we are proud to announce that they are clearly Ascended Masters returned to Earth. We understand that this information must be passed on so that you can learn to trust our workers implicitly no matter how much their advice costs you.

I announce our first 3 workers The Rev Dr Bill AM(Ascended Master) SAMs RSM rtd, Rev Dr Lis (Ascended Master) LLB(Lon) and Rev Dr Jim (aka Admin) (Ascended Master). Between them they have well over 100 years experience in matters of the metaphysical. Bookings may be made through admin using PM's only on this forum.

They offer a wide range of services
Psychic counselling for your current life issues and to suggest counselling to resolve those future problems you are as yet unaware of.
Certification that your children are indigos
The divination of your Spirit Guides and their status in the hierarchical realms of Spirit. At an extra charge, should they claim a life which can be proved, a full genealogical family tree and copies of birth and death certificates where available.
Unique and magnificent Spirit Drawings and Photographs created just for you.
The number and nature of your supporting Angels and Archangels, with messages of love and hope from them.
The definition of your Spiritual Status in the realms of the multi faceted spheres of life.
A review of those unfriendly Spirits that may be about you giving you grief you are unaware of.
Your past lives and the impact they bring on your lifes purpose. Naturally we offer the full works in therapy the Rolls Royce of regression.
The nature of your unrecollected contacts with Aliens.

This is just the start point, we may even be able to prove survival for you, especially after you complete our detailed personal form, required by us, of course only for legal and insurance purposes.

We guarantee our services will amaze you and that we will find further work that you will be compelled to use us for. Any treatments we offer are quite painless, unless you so choose the alternatives, we fully understand the matters of the physical too. There is no doubt that we will find significant reasons why you should undertake further consultations and treatments - we have never failed to do so.

This service is just beginning, enquire about out special pricing and the new items we will be including soon, like Mayan Calendar Therapy, Ascension Grooming etc.

We have multiple treatments for every problem, to fit any pocket and keep drawing you back to us. There are a wide range of alternatives and for example they may range from a complete day of treatment in our sensory deprivation cube to a simple herbal shampoo, which should not have any significant side effects. Although these two may be prescribed for many metaphysical problems we find them especially effective in driving evil spirits away particularly those tricky ones you have no knowledge about.

For now let that be enough but remember now you have the finest advanced metaphysical organisation available to you .......... IPU (pronounced Ipooh) The INTERNATIONAL PSYCHICS UNLIMITED ....Your Fortune In Our Hands with our catch cry...As Quickly as Possible.

It is I
avatar
I


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by zerdini on Mon Apr 27, 2009 5:52 am

Please sign me up as your first member.

Fu Ling Yiu

Ascended Master (Seventh Degree)

zerdini


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by zerdini on Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:10 am

Further to my last post I should add that in the exalted and rarified atmosphere in which I have my abode we have a temple where novitiates are trained with similar methods to yours I believe.

When the new arrivals come for their induction they are greeted with chants from myself and those of lesser degrees as follows:

Ah Souls! Ah Souls! Ah Souls!

We find it very effective. Very Happy

By the way I - are you related to the Great I Am?

Yours etc.

Fu Ling Yui


Last edited by zerdini on Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:46 am; edited 1 time in total

zerdini


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by obiwan on Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:29 am

Only 100 years experience between you? shurely shome mishtake? Have you lost a digit somewhere? If so, I have one you can have for free Wink (two if you prefer lol)

obiwan


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by tmmw on Mon Apr 27, 2009 1:28 pm

Lol, sad but true.... bow

Laughing Laughing Laughing Rolling Eyes

Lynn

tmmw


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by I on Tue Apr 28, 2009 12:27 am

I have returned.

Firstly Paul I am concerned that the mind altering substances that you are taking are causing you to slur when you are typing. I believe you should be seeking our guidance as it is clearly a deeply embedded past life issue which will require days of very expensive regression analysis.

Z I do understand your comments and of course the Great I am is clsely related to me. I am also well aware of the famous Fu Ling Yui and his notorious Ah Souls! therapy.

Your application for membership is being processed at the Metaphysical College in Klemzig we are using remote sensing last night recalibrating our instruments to link to your personal vibrations so that we can do the rigorous testing required to validate your claim for acceptance. You may experience moments of discomfort while you sleep and I assure you this will not be caused by anything you have eaten it will be the vibratory impact of the many instuments that are trained upon the inter spatial coordinates of your bed.

Do not be alarmed I have also been seeking guidance from my live alien guide from the distant parts of the galaxy. His name is Gang and he is a very lofty, wise and remote soul who with his family keeps a caring eye on our planet. It is his wisdom that has helped guide this project. But wait I have failed to give proof of his existence he comes from the planet Razor and there are many of his fellow Razor Gang's helping the world in this troubled economic times. The proof of his existence is therefore strongly repoerted in the world press.

Your application as an AM7(Ascended Master Seventh Degree) is at hand.

I have spoken(or to be correct written)
avatar
I


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by zerdini on Tue Apr 28, 2009 5:54 am

You may experience moments of discomfort while you sleep and I assure you this will not be caused by anything you have eaten it will be the vibratory impact of the many instuments that are trained upon the inter spatial coordinates of your bed.

I slept very well but my wife was disturbed by the 'vibratory impact' but I assured her it was in the best interests of both of us! Cool

zerdini


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by obiwan on Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:44 am

I cannot afford regression therapy as I have shpent all my money on mind altering shubshtanshes in order to make my shpeech shlurred.

obiwan


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by mac on Tue Apr 28, 2009 8:27 am

Razz Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

you guys.....Laughing

What would 'spirit' do with youze all.... Rolling Eyes

mac


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by Admin on Wed Apr 29, 2009 5:45 am

I has asked me to pass on to you Z that your application has been approved: the Klemzig Metaphysical Centre names you the Rev Dr Zerdini AM (Ascended Master) you and Rev Dr Bill AM have the whole territory of the United Kingdom to work in.

I asked me also to pass on that you may experience ongoing nightly discomfort as the re-attunement to cosmic vibrations continues.

I must say for me that I only let I loose in this thread he is banned from contributing in any other area of the forum due to the chaos he can cause.

I am not sure whether I is I or a part of I (I mean me). He may be my guide, a personating spirit, an alternative personality or a figment of the imagination. However I am impressed by his original ideas and freedom of expression
avatar
Admin
Admin


Back to top Go down

Re: International Psychics Unlimited Announcement

Post by zerdini on Wed Apr 29, 2009 7:53 am

I am deeply grateful to I for the opportunity and honour to work with Dr Bill in relieving the wealth of the many into our hands at every opportunity.

Naturally we will give value for money - they get value we get money! Wink Very Happy

zerdini


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum