Noahs Seance

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Noahs Seance

Post by I on Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:41 pm

Admin Note.... Many on here will be aware of the complex relationship I have with the characters I and Adam. Finally I has persuaded me to allow him on but this is the only thread that can be used


Hi All
I am glad to have the chance to share this story which many may have hoped became lost with the old SCR

Clearly with all the controversy swirling around some physical mediums it is time, as portended by the terrible fires and floods in our beautiful green and gold land down under, to achieve something concrete which will prove that the heights of Mediumship can once again be scaled. While I am unwilling to tempt fate and create a major fire, vying in the eyes of Christian Men to the very essence of hell, I will leave no stone unturned in my quest for the epic flood. This especially during the harsh drought we are experiencing which is sucking the very life from the River Murray. Indeed I have a cunning plan to achieve such a miracle. This involves the potential for the recreation of the story of Noah, his Ark and the great flood by way of Materialisation in a Physical Séance. To this end my circle met last night to check the potential with my guide Adam.

He claims to be related to all of us but I have always doubted whether he truly existed. This is despite his assurances of being the first man (in honesty his very appearance does little to add credibility to his claims, he has never materialised to anyone in the light and only I have seen him, looking more like Danny La Rue than the father of mankind). However, even should one disprove his existence I would cling to him as he is so dear to me now and feels very like a part of my mind.

Still he raised various valid and material problems with my scheme. In the interests of brevity I will deal quickly with these. He pointed out the Ark was significantly bigger than the séance room and the room was not waterproof. Thus we had the potential to cause significant harm to the sitters, the building we sat in and to cause severe flooding in the neighbourhood. Additionally he did not approve of infra red photography and he felt none of us had the skill to operate an underwater camera, of the type that would be needed during the flood sequence. He let us take one picture of the evening, that we were assured would give us all the proof we needed, unfortunately I leave you to be the judge of this (I am sorry if this appears to be a blank picture, Adam assures me there is a significant deeper level to the contents and who am I to argue with a wise guide).




I am assured that we can get over all of these problems. I now have the correct dimensions of Noah’s ark. Taller than a 3-story building, a deck area the size of 36 lawn tennis courts, 300 cubits long (450 feet, or 135 meters) 50 cubits wide (75 feet, or 22.5 meters); it had three stories and its height was 30 cubits (45 feet, or 13.5 meters). I am in negotiations with a builder to construct a séance room within which this will fit. It has to be waterproof, to contain the floodwaters. It also has to have an upper level balcony above water level and far enough from the animals for the sitters to sit in safety. He will allow full lighting, TV coverage and has requested the Cousteau underwater experts as well. We can sell naming rights for the building also, to ensure the commercial success, we can sell places at the séance to celebrities, who may be tied onto selected pieces of flotsam to float around the Ark. This is surely guaranteed to bring in many millions while entirely proving spirits continued existence (as long as you believe in Noah). He is willing to work for any other celebrity physical medium and I would willingly hand over the lead role to one of these people in view of the serious dangers involved. He assures me they will not suffer any risk from the light because they will be under a significant amount of water helping them to go into a deep trance in the darkness.

Clearly the planning for this event will take substantially more time so I must beg your forbearance as you await news of events.


I
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Re: Noahs Seance

Post by obiwan on Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:12 am

say what?

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Re: Noahs Seance

Post by Admin on Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:50 am

Hi All,

I do hope that some of you have been perceptive, I asked Adam about the picture and he assures me it was an old copy of Colin Evans purportedly levitating at a meeting in Camden Town Hall with the contrast and brightness turned right down. He was unable to give me any reason for this or if it was of significance, he pointed out that it just was an apport. He then mumbled something about reincarnation but was unable to explain how he and his wife's first children could have reincarnated being the first in the world.

There are moments when, given his importance as a spiritual being I trust, his lack of wisdom has me vaguely perplexed. However, he has, apparently, been connected to me since well before birth,chosen to be my guiding star to the great things that were fortold for me.

I have been beavering away trying to get project Noah off the ground. We had an exciting night yesterday despite a poor beginning. Our circle leader left us because he felt that we were moving in the wrong direction and trying to do too much as a first step into materialisation. He also had great reservations about the way my guide seemed to be getting larger than life, especially because no one had seen him and we were unable to provide any useful proof of his original existence. He did acknowledge physical phenomena had been occurring but suggested that, despite the rather feminine style of Adam, being touched up in the dark was not necessarily proof it was either my guide or verifiably a spirit contact. Given no one else in the circle would own up to this physical act the rest of us felt he was expecting too much proof from spirit and this very touching had to be acceptable enough.

Despite this poor start our séance went well, I noted Adam had decided to present himself in a way that befitted a man existing prior to gowns and sequins. This time he was appropriately dressed in animal skins of a fetching colour which he told me brought out the best in his eyes. Once again it was disappointing to find that the picture we took of Noah was a blank. However, we had our suspicions this would happen, as it was pitch black in the room and I had to describe the events to others so that they would fully understand what was happening. As a result we felt fully justified to support our séance with the use of a practice from early séances. We did this by creating a montage of the events which occurred. To this end our make up department produced the appropriate costumes and we collected some animals from local farmers to produce the following picture which, you can trust me, is an accurate representation of the séance events.

I promise you this is an exciting time. To simplify matters we are moving the project to two large dry docks in Mumbai and linking with a Bollywood producer. This will, to some extent, compromise the production because we have to incorporate the usual singers and dancers.

However, this increases the size of the circle, which may be beneficial given the amount of ectoplasm needed for this experiment. We are also able to construct a mock up of the ark and flood in the second dry dock so that if none of our séance plans work we can still use special effects to produce the necessary film to guarantee commercial success. Sadly, Oprah Winfrey has pulled out as the last time she visited India she had a nasty case of Delhi Belly and says she will not trust the catering company that comes with our producers. Our costs and legal risk decline by using this location because labour is cheaper and the OHSW law less onerous on accidental death of participants. We have struck a snag in building the Ark and wonder what personating Spirit visited Noah to give him the necessary instructions to construct it. My Quantity surveyor, a good ecologist, assures me that the amount of wood needed for the Ark created the climate change which brought about the flood and made a desert of the Middle East.

I can assure you that I am now confident of success in this project, or of at least creating a semblance that will convince enough of you to accept it enabling me to become famous and wealthy. In the worst scenario I have an Indian friend, a Mumbai magician. We became friends after I punched his lights out over a simple misunderstanding when he called me a fakir after a séance. We reconciled when he said he didn't believe a thing that happened in the séance but it was good magic. If it goes pear shaped in Mumbai he has promised to teach me the Indian Rope Trick so I can make a quick getaway even if, as he says, you may end up nowhere at all just like this story.

I
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Re: Noahs Seance

Post by Admin on Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:06 am

Hi Folks,

I hoped that I would not have to write again about the Noah Séance, thinking my long foretold fame and fortune would have swept the news around the globe. However from my quiet cave far up on the slopes of the Himalayas I will share with you the disaster that befell me on that fateful day in Mumbai.

Sadly by now you will have heard of the devastating floods that swept through that fine city where thousands lost there life. I have just the one picture of this shameful event.

You can well guess that I hang my head as the cause of all this suffering. Yet until the day of the séance everything appeared to be going so well. My troubles started with the lawyer who joined us to handle the tricky issues. I should have realised he was dodgy when he said he had worked for a large family throughout Europe and hid under the table every time someone walked by or knocked on the door. He was always distracted and his assassination on the day of the séance started the chain of destruction that followed.

Séance morning dawned with us all happy, the two dry docks were ready, one containing the re-enacted ark full of animals and set up for use if the séance failed. In the séance chamber I had 10 Muslim actors, 9 Hindi dancers, 8 Buddhist singers, 7 Christian musicians, 6 Spiritualists, 5 Anabaptists, 4 Zoroastrians, 3 Atheists, 2 Agnostics and a Scientologist tied on a piece of flotsam(funny I recognise that rhyme somewhere). I settled myself into the chair in the cabinet, in the bottom corner with my oxygen tanks, flippers and face mask in place. They secured me with my special cable ties (which I slipped the moment they walked away). Our famous scientologist actor was tied to his piece of flotsam, he had paid for all 10 places so no one else could share the experience. We started, to a sprightly tune, with the dancers weaving around the balcony to Bollywood singing when to my surprise it worked. Ectoplasm appeared from everywhere, even causing unsightly bulges in my wet suit. Within minutes we had the flood, then the ark with Noah and the animals. If the weight of ectoplasm had not been crushing me I would have cried with joy. Then the first disaster befell us the ectoplasmic sharks, who had accompanied the ark, proceeded to eat the Cousteau photographic team and our actor with his flotsam. The ark shifted sideways and the ectoplasmic carnivorous animals jumped onto the balconies to feed. Everyone ran to the back corner, on the landward side to escape, when the plot to assassinate my lawyer was played out. With a loud bang a bomb exploded collapsing the whole landward wall of both dry docks. This precipitated the inundation of Mumbai with a flood of live and ectoplasmic animals. Everyone involved in the event was killed or eaten and the water/ectoplasm mix was an ecological disaster, which even upset the Indian Environmental Protection Agency.

Untouched by it all I left the dry dock to face an altered world. Facing me en masse were elements of the Indian Army, Police and overhead were jets of the air force. I gathered they were pretty annoyed with me and by the sounds of screaming and the growing size of the flood it seemed likely this feeling would only get worse.

Sagaciously my Indian friend had anticipated the worst and the rope trick was ready for me. Before anyone could interfere I raced up it and found myself in a cave dressed in a white robe with open sandals. Looking out I realised that by complete chance I had found the lost destination of all who successfully completed the rope trick, a series of hermit caves in the Himalayas, from which surprised faces peeped out at me.

I now have only one close friend, a rare and friendly Yeti, after an initial scuffle we have become very close, I call him Adam. He hunts for meat and I share the small quantities of food the villagers bring me for being an idiot savant, for which I just have to pretend that I have high and mystic powers. Naturally for one as gifted as I this is a simple task. Here is the picture I had Adam pose for.

Sadly I know I shall never leave this Mountain as I am a wanted person everywhere.

I decided to complete my story for you as there is a moral to this tale concerning the perils of physical mediumship. This includes knowing your proper guides and not reaching beyond your abilities for fame and fortune. I ponder what might have been if I had followed the right pathway but life is as it is and I am content here with my meditation, spirituality and Adam. I am teaching Adam physical mediumship, in the right way and we have a new guide who appears clearly to both of us. So far we have moved the Himalayas 10 inches south. Wonders may yet be achieved.

I
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Re: Noahs Seance

Post by zerdini on Tue Mar 17, 2009 9:23 am

Rofl levitating lol! Laughing Laughing

zerdini


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Re: Noahs Seance

Post by mac on Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:26 pm

lol! lol! Razz


great job - gave me a good chuckle Razz

mac


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Re: Noahs Seance

Post by I on Wed Mar 18, 2009 11:23 pm

must thank you for your kind thoughts about my sad story. For those of you who worry about me I have been able to apport a recent picture of myself to show that I am alive and well. As you will see I am adapting to life here and able to move more freely in Yeti Society. Adam insists the new look is bringing out the feminine side in me.



Fortunately I have been able to maintain my contact with Jim telepathically and I have a few ideas to enhance your psychic world further which I may share with you in the future.

Do not cry for me, life among the Yetis in these mountains of Ice and Cold is changing me.

I
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Re: Noahs Seance

Post by zerdini on Thu Mar 19, 2009 8:49 am

I am sure we are all very happy for you. Neutral Laughing

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Re: Noahs Seance

Post by Bill on Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:57 am

As an old soldier, I can only say _
GIT YOUR BLEEDIN' AIRCUT.
Bill

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Re: Noahs Seance

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